To Beach or Not to Beach

Crystal clear blue waters

Burning white sands

Waves that curl so picture perfectly.

People getting together, having fun and making new sepia filtered photographs for a rainy day.

….Or at least that’s  what they look like on movies or on television. I can’t say that i’ve ever been to a beach. In 2014, I lived in Orlando Florida for six months without going to a beach. I’d like to say that I was way too busy to make time for it but at the end of the day I know it was sheer laziness.

I’ve seen people’s computer backgrounds and Instagram posts though and I know the beach has to be beautiful. No one has ever said anything bad about the beach so I know it has to be just as i’ve pictured it.

I have seen many surfer movies and youtube vlogs and I know that the beach is a place that brings people together. Away from their devices for the most part, except for those special moments where someone takes a selfie stick out and gets everyone in the group in the shot, holding glasses and pulling weird faces.

The beach in my hometown is average and it is so small that I don’t count it as a beach. I have been there, so some could say I was lying to you but I promise that its not like that. It’s not a beach like on windows default wallpapers or on someone vine of the waves kissing the shore with “paradise” in the caption.

Instead my “beach” is where the waves touch the murky Mississippi river and cracked beer bottles plague the surface. The sand is multicolored but I have to give it credit, in the August sun…its freakin’ hot. But what I also notice about the Beach in my hometown is that the attitude of the people…..doesn’t change.

Just because the water is murky, there is a copious amount of litter on the shore and there is a questionable amount of actual land to stand on….people still have a good time. I see Instagram posts, Facebook photo-sets and tweets about having a “good time with good people.” Then I realized that just because our “beach” isn’t picturesque doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthy of that title.

Though I am an introvert and the idea of being around tons of drunk people in a close proximity terrifies me (which means I will totally bar it up when i’m 21), I can see the value and why people love our little oasis. In the Midwest, especially where i’m from many people can’t make it out to the luxurious white sands of a California waterfront and that is okay.

Because no matter where they are, there is some sand, some water and some good friends to make anywhere a five star experience.

So that leads me to rethink this question, Have I been to a beach?

Yes; yes I have.

Missy ♥

Daily Prompt: Beach

 

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Being Selfish.

For the past few weeks…..maybe months, i’ve been selfish.

This is not me screaming for validation, begging for someone to tell be that i’m wrong and that i’m a fantastic person. No, this is me simply stating a fact…i’ve been selfish lately.

I don’t know what sparked it but it could have been some sort of mixture of all of the great opportunities that i’ve had handed to me in the last year and the increasing urge to want to one up myself…add on to these accomplishments to make myself continue to feel this good.

I’ll be sitting around talking to my friends and i’ll start rambling on about my issues, what is bugging me and how horrible blah blah blah boo hoo and about ten minutes later i’ll think about what I said and stare at myself in utter confusion.

“Why would I say that?”

 

“That wasn’t even important right now.”

“Did I even ask them how they are doing?”

“Why do I keep interrupting them?”

I’ve come to admit that i’m at war with myself almost everyday. With accomplishments under my belt, compliments paid to me and the media telling me that it is okay to be selfish, to love yourself, to flaunt what you have…I have taken self love to the extreme.

I was watching a youtube video tonight that sparked my thoughts and inspired this post, i’ll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on41PCz6_h0. It’s a video by a youtuber my age named HelloKaty and she was talking about…feeling ugly while trying to be happy.

How does this have anything to do with what i’m talking about? Because throughout the video Katy explains that she struggled with trying to mold herself into an “aesthetic” something that people my age do tend to obsess over. While trying to make yourself look beautiful and successful and making it seem like your living your life to the fullest, Katy explains that you sometimes forget about actually being a beautiful person on the inside.

And I believe that is where I sit right now.

I’m not saying that I shouldn’t be happy when i’m talking to a nice boy or when i’m given fantastic opportunities or when people say nice things about me….i’m saying that it doesn’t need to be my only focus. I agree, we do need to be selfish sometimes and think of ourselves first in order to achieve amazing things but we need to remember about the other people in our lives as well.

Don’t continuously throw your “wonderful” life in people’s faces, don’t act like your life holds priority over anyone else’s. Listen to others, continue to do nice things for others. Don’t force yourself to have to do one amazing thing over then next just to be able to post it to social media.

Because when you become enamored with your accomplishments and you focus purely on what would benefit you….you lose the interest of everyone around you. No one wants to be around a person who constantly shoves how wonderful their lives are, how many boys they are talking to or how many people have complimented them that day. If these things come up in conversation, let your thoughts take flight, but don’t let them drive the conversation into a crash landing.

Enjoy the fantastic opportunities that you are given, gloat about them for awhile but don’t let them take control of your life. Don’t make yourself into a person that you don’t recognize to feel happy, to feel successful or beautiful. Continue to live your life and ask others about their lives because it isn’t all about you.

You are a person, just like anyone else and don’t forget that.

Stay grounded,

Missy ♥

 

The anxious mind

Unfortunately, dealing with anxiety is a day by day process that doesn’t seem to get easier. You get tired, you get stressed, you constantly question your own existence.

Your heart races, your eyes dash and you throat dries as you scurry through everyday life. You may be over emotional, easy to break because you just want to please the people around you. You ultimately always think you fail at this and beat yourself up about it.

Let me tell you from experience, anxiety is a deep hole and it causes friendships to strain and family members to fret but just believe me when I say that at the end of the day, it’s the people you let in that help you through this darkness.

You may be nervous to let anyone in and I know it’s hard to put yourself on the line like this but if you could only see the people around you, their worried eyes and tight hugs are there to assure you. Will it always work? No. There are always bad days, just know that you aren’t your worst days.

You are the strength that it takes to cry and smile and breathe every single day. You are toughest person on the planet because you may go through everyday with doubt but at least you’re making it through the day.

Don’t let this stop you. Don’t let anyone stop you. It won’t always be easy and I promise you that it’s no fun at all but believe me when I say that you’re doing just fine. Go at your own pace. Do what you can and do what YOU need to do.

Let people in but don’t let them control your thoughts, don’t let them tell you to get over yourself or that anxious thoughts are impractical. You know this and you know you are more than your mental illness, what matters here and now is that you push through.

It may not happen overnight but it’s the ultimate idea that it will happen. Don’t give up and don’t give in to your negative thoughts.

Twenty, Thrifty and Thriving.

My sense of style is all over the place. If I had to describe my choice in clothing it would fall under the category of “eh, this may work, why not?” The funny thing is when people ask me where I get certain articles of clothing, I usually shrug my shoulders…..because I really don’t know.

Most of my wardrobe comes from….Goodwill (gasp) or other odd and end garage sales and thrift stores. Of course some of my staple pieces come new from name brand stores. I have an addiction to Target that I could totally stop any time I wanted to….but I won’t. What I find the most intriguing about my change in clothing since high school and before is that…I have always shopped in thrift stores.

What has changed is my idea of critically thinking about pieces before buying them. When I was younger I would buy mostly t-shirts and shorts and pants, calling it good at the bare essentials. Not that I would have even told anyone that I bought the outfit at goodwill, for the fear of being judged for being poor or cheap. As I grew up, I realized that I would probably never be able to afford to stay up with trends.

Instead of getting upset, I just started shopping for dresses, skirts, etc that I genuinely liked, threw them together with the occasionally name brand item and pieced together into an outfit me, myself and I would be proud of. The elimination of other negative feedback lead me to feeling just as good about my knee length floral skirt I got for a dollar and a half at a second hand store as I did about my new skater skirts from Kohls.

So I no longer shy away from the idea that most of my clothing doesn’t follow fashion week or that it doesn’t cost more than my tuition to fill my closet each year. I realized I didn’t mind wearing the same skirt more than twice a month and fishing through the racks at Goodwill for a dress for a christmas party.

Because if your fashion isn’t your own, then who are you really getting ready for?

Missy ♥

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