For the past few weeks…..maybe months, i’ve been selfish.
This is not me screaming for validation, begging for someone to tell be that i’m wrong and that i’m a fantastic person. No, this is me simply stating a fact…i’ve been selfish lately.
I don’t know what sparked it but it could have been some sort of mixture of all of the great opportunities that i’ve had handed to me in the last year and the increasing urge to want to one up myself…add on to these accomplishments to make myself continue to feel this good.
I’ll be sitting around talking to my friends and i’ll start rambling on about my issues, what is bugging me and how horrible blah blah blah boo hoo and about ten minutes later i’ll think about what I said and stare at myself in utter confusion.
“Why would I say that?”
“That wasn’t even important right now.”
“Did I even ask them how they are doing?”
“Why do I keep interrupting them?”
I’ve come to admit that i’m at war with myself almost everyday. With accomplishments under my belt, compliments paid to me and the media telling me that it is okay to be selfish, to love yourself, to flaunt what you have…I have taken self love to the extreme.
I was watching a youtube video tonight that sparked my thoughts and inspired this post, i’ll link it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on41PCz6_h0. It’s a video by a youtuber my age named HelloKaty and she was talking about…feeling ugly while trying to be happy.
How does this have anything to do with what i’m talking about? Because throughout the video Katy explains that she struggled with trying to mold herself into an “aesthetic” something that people my age do tend to obsess over. While trying to make yourself look beautiful and successful and making it seem like your living your life to the fullest, Katy explains that you sometimes forget about actually being a beautiful person on the inside.
And I believe that is where I sit right now.
I’m not saying that I shouldn’t be happy when i’m talking to a nice boy or when i’m given fantastic opportunities or when people say nice things about me….i’m saying that it doesn’t need to be my only focus. I agree, we do need to be selfish sometimes and think of ourselves first in order to achieve amazing things but we need to remember about the other people in our lives as well.
Don’t continuously throw your “wonderful” life in people’s faces, don’t act like your life holds priority over anyone else’s. Listen to others, continue to do nice things for others. Don’t force yourself to have to do one amazing thing over then next just to be able to post it to social media.
Because when you become enamored with your accomplishments and you focus purely on what would benefit you….you lose the interest of everyone around you. No one wants to be around a person who constantly shoves how wonderful their lives are, how many boys they are talking to or how many people have complimented them that day. If these things come up in conversation, let your thoughts take flight, but don’t let them drive the conversation into a crash landing.
Enjoy the fantastic opportunities that you are given, gloat about them for awhile but don’t let them take control of your life. Don’t make yourself into a person that you don’t recognize to feel happy, to feel successful or beautiful. Continue to live your life and ask others about their lives because it isn’t all about you.
You are a person, just like anyone else and don’t forget that.