Since my anxious tendencies yet again have me up early, I thought I would take the time to write out what goes through my mind during these low points.
First of all, none of my thoughts are cohesive. So if I try to talk to you about my problems they will all come out like word vomit with no connections between thoughts. All my problems will spill out in no particular order.
Second, I won’t understand any form of rational thoughts. I won’t understand in this moment that things will get done or that I will be able to do everything that I want to do or that i’m capable of doing it. At this breaking point, all seems lost and I lose all faith in myself.
Third, I will cry….often. I’m full of emotions in the first place but when you add the pressure of school and the idea of a grade on the line, i go into full hysterics. Don’t be surprised if you can not understand a word i’m saying between sobs.
Fourth, I will get over it eventually. Talking to a rational person helps me out immensely at this point. They put rational thoughts back into my head and as I let them sink in, I am pulled back to reality. After awhile I realize how ridiculous I acted and feel ashamed but I also move forward.
I’m not sure how many other people who deal with anxious tendencies will deal with the same things but I know this is how I think and deal with situations. Just know that I need someone to talk to, someone to listen to what I have to say and remind me to breathe and rationalize my situation.