How being observant isn’t a two way street.

I see you over there, you think the pretty girl in the yellow dress doesn’t see you staring at her as if the “heart eye” emoji wasn’t bulging out of your face. You’re right, she doesn’t probably see you, but I do.

Wow Missy, that’s a creepy way to start a blog post.

I know, I know but honestly can I let you all in on a secret? I know way too much, I shouldn’t probably be able to read body language and tone of voice as quickly as I can but I do. I’ve been able to pinpoint so many crushes, so many feelings of dislike and so many uncomfortable people.

I’m uniquely observant.

I love to people watch. Yes, I am a certified stalker.

I can’t help it, people are so fascinating, I love trying to figure them out. I love watching love unfold, friendships bloom and fights explode. Everyone is so individual but yet there are so many qualities that become uniform. Though I can see right through everyone’s facade when i’m outside of the box….this observant attitude almost never includes myself.

I become almost numb to my tendencies because I don’t classify myself in the same arena in the competition of life. I don’t like to get my own hopes up and I find it way easier to see the best in others. So I began to think of why I see myself on this completely other level.

Besides the history of self consciousness and lack of motivation, I physically can’t see when anything good is coming my way. That sounds horrible but it’s like I have built a brick wall between me and good things and though sometimes I creep along the edges and peek over to the other side, I don’t dare cross it before I am completely certain.

My friends try to convince me of things all the time that are happening in front of me that i’ll never personally claim.

“You have so many friends” “he’s totally into you” “you are so smart”

I’m not trying to form this idea of “oh i’m so humble” it’s more of the idea that “i’m so dumbfounded by good things.” Which seems the opposite of what an observant person should feel. Because I am so in tune with emotions, I should be able to see all of the same things where they happen to me right?

Wrong.

Being self-conscious and observant means that though I read into things fairly accurately, I also see all of the outcomes that could come of what lies ahead of me. Therefore because my heart, my friendship, my career is on the line, there is always a flip side. It is easy to tell your friends that only good things will happen AND believe it…because you believe in them.

When the tables turn and you’re being interrogated…it’s not so easy.

– Missy

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