If nostalgia wasn’t a huge part of the media already, Facebook decided to add this fancy little function that allows you to see all of the horrible things that you posted ON THIS DAY *insert #* of years ago. Not that living through that awkward stage of middle school the first time was rough, do you want to recall it all…in a timely manner? As I fished through the sea of pop punk anthem lyrics and unnecessary life play by plays I saw a pattern.
90% of my statuses weren’t even about me. Most of them were about crushes that I would never speak to in person so what’s a better way to not reach them while confusing all of my friends? Write sad lyrics and hoped he’d see, even though in my heart I knew he never would. That’s because he most likely didn’t even know I like him in the first place because I was essentially a mute.
Looking onto these statuses a couple years older I just can’t help but chuckle. When I was in the time of discovery and should have been worried about figuring myself out before college, I was worried about having a boy in my life. The reason that it took so long for me to start my walk toward self love was because I cared about all others’ emotions before my own.
“Does he like me?” “I need to be her friend.”
Racking these thoughts in my mind for years takes a toll on self confidence but now, I don’t look back with regret but with more happiness than I have in awhile. Between high school and now, I’ve realized that although I have had my share of crushes in between, I have focused more on me.
I realized that finding out who I am, how I want to be perceived and savoring my amazing friendships was way more important than finding and keeping a boyfriend at such a young age that it would never last. I realized that I need to find out who I truly am before I let someone else in.
So I thank Facebook for reminding me of where I was and where I am aiming for in the future. Thank you for reminding me to continue to love myself and put myself first so that I don’t end up where I was. Relying on others’ opinions solely to judge myself. I am on my way to knowing who I am and who I am is great….because I say so.