My freshman year of college was different that many others were, well considering half of it was spent out of school. Though first semester of college I did one thing and that was study, all the freakin’ time. I isolated myself to that dorm room, did the required work, passed the classes and set the bar extremely over my head for the next few years.
When I came back to school last year, I was told the dreaded words….”You know, you’ll probably have to stay another year..” and my heart sank. At this point I considered myself a failure to not only myself but to my mother, who would have to sell an arm and a leg to afford another semester at a private college. I cried for a long time and thought about how all of my friends would be gone by then and they’d all graduate together and i’d be left alone again.
I set this immeasurable standard for myself, not accepting the fate of what I couldn’t control. After calming down, I realized that I wasn’t alone in this matter. I had chosen the path I took, to take a semester off and focus on working in Disney and taking their courses. I had to deal with the fate of the cards that I dealt myself. From here on out, I look at the positives.
It’s really hard to see those positives as I see the semesters piled with 18 credit hours and miles of homework sitting in my planner but the positives i’m looking at are beyond my years left in the classroom. I look at the possiblities that await me after school. I chose my majors for a reason, they egnite a passion within me that I can’t wait to express with the world. I think about how all of this work, the extra year, the summer math class (boooo) and my homework that never seems to end is getting me prepared for what I want the most. A career I love and a bright future.
I considered dropping one of my majors, I considered giving up while I was ahead. I considered realizing that I wasn’t actually cut out for the whole college life. It took a lot to push that negativity away and sure there will be times that I fall back into the habit of self doubt but what I know for sure is that I won’t feel success if I don’t push for it. When I fall into that hole of feeling like i’ll never amount to anything, that i’ll be in school forever….I remind myself why i’m here and the possibilities that WILL still be here for me, after that super senior year.