Some people use phrases such as “you’re too sensitive” or “i’m a hopeless romantic” as a way to put themselves and others down. Here’s the news: no one is 100% in control of their emotions 100% of the time. I would love to see someone who is completely composed and calm their entire life, in order to sit them down and have a chat about what the heck is actually eating them up inside that they are so good at hiding. Emotions are healthy and everyone has horrible moments. You lose loved ones, you break up, you fall in love, you lose a best friend, you lose yourself…. all of these will make you feel deeper emotions that aren’t easy to repair.
Letting these emotions out is the most liberating thing to do. Have you ever noticed how much better you feel after you let yourself cry or scream into your pillow, how good it feels to see your emotions written in words as your pen bleeds through the paper with force as you just let yourself go? Think about the last time you watched a movie that made you cry or listened to a song that made you so confident you could shout it from the rooftops……now imagine having to bottle up those emotions and put a stern look on your face as you recite “i’m fine” a million times, not believing the first or last time it rolls off your tongue.
That sounds like torture to me.
I….am a crier. I find comfort in letting all of my emotions out through tears and words. I like watching rom coms when i’m sad and talking to my best friend until i’m blue in the face because afterwards….I feel light. All of those emotions aren’t weighing heavy on my heart anymore. Though they may still be there and pull at my heart and brain in times of weakness or when i’m alone to my own thoughts….they aren’t as hard to process.
Emotions can take forever to get over so don’t think you have to put on a brave face the next day. My friends can tell when i’m hurting, it’s in the sound of your voice, your movements and you ability to do…..anything really. They will notice and they will ask you. If they are great friends, they’ll know right away and ask if you want to talk about it and if not, do something that will make you smile and ease your mind. I’m not saying you do have to open up constantly, if it’s something that’s been eating at you for months and you feel like a tape recorder when talking to friends, start a journal. You’d be amazed to see that just jotting down how you feel can make you feel free.
After all of that, letting everything out….now it’s time to remember how you shine. Remind yourself of the things that still surround you day to day. Your beautiful friends, your family, your animals, your favorite songs…..things that make you happy. Now it’s time for that game face, now it’s okay to forget and let go….at your own pace. Go to your favorite places, eat your favorite foods and hang out with the people who are still in your life that deserve your time. Nothing will be holding you back because you let it all out, there’s nothing left to eat at you. You’ll have the occasional moment where you may relapse and need to talk about it or write it down again…. and you always can.
Some emotions will carry with you for the rest of your life. It’s all up to you how they control you, as a victim of loss, of pain, of feeling alone and feeling inadequate, i’m quite familiar with the ability to feel like you’ll never let go. But you will, it will be when you least expect it, that thing that ate you apart inside has little control over you now because you never fully let it take ownership of your heart, your mind or your life. You fought back with an iron fist and you may have to for months, years….however long it takes to feel okay again but remember that it’s a process. Being okay with the bad doesn’t come naturally, just remember that the people around you are here for a reason, use them as resources to remember to breathe again.
You shine so bright that you scare yourself and the tunnel seems never ending but when you see yourself glowing with pride and strength you will realize that your journey to get there was just all a part of the process of believing in yourself. Don’t bottle your emotions to the point of no return, don’t put a lid on your light…..remind yourself of what you can do to get through this, because you can.
“I only have one match, but I can make an explosion”