So the weight of the world is on your shoulders…..or at least that’s how you feel. You’re 15 years old, all of your friends are getting their first boyfriends or excelling at sports or their studies. Yet you, you feel like you’ve been stuck in a stand still. You have many friends at school but in perceptive, you’re more alone than you’ve felt in years. You have gotten your heart broken, third wheeled way too many “hang out” sessions and constantly find yourself sitting, staring at your computer screen. People complain about how others constantly air out their dirty laundry online but everyone around you seems too busy to understand right now. So you write, but there is a pattern of which you express your emotions online, in song lyrics.
Though you do not know the artist personally, the lyrics sink into your heart like a knife. The words captivate your feelings so intensely you have to share them with others. The music becomes your life. You try to show your friends just how much fun you have wasting hours online watching videos, listening to music and laughing at interviews but they don’t understand the appeal. You understand their feeling though, it’s kind of hard to understand why someone would love words and notes so deeply.
This doesn’t stop you though, from digging in deeper to the world of music. Exploring all genres. Finally, you go to your first live gig and you drag some friends along who reluctantly agreed to drive 4 hours for some band they barely knew. As you enter, it’s an oasis. People around you all just as excited as you are. They talk about how much the bands mean to them, have lyrics tattooed on their bodies and huddle around the stage waiting for the show to start. You realize you aren’t alone at all, you realize that there are many people who feel the way that you do.
As the show starts, the bass pumps through your body like blood and you hardly can keep your feet on the ground. These people are real, the voices behind your thoughts. The voices that kept you sane and happy when you were all alone. They were real and in front of your eyes. In awe, you hear the crowd shout the lyrics of your favorite song at the lead singer and you see him choke back tears. This moment is so unreal, you have to remind yourself to breathe, that you can not cry in front of these people but to your amazement tears overflow the entire venue. Emotions are high and everyone is wiping tears and exchanging smiles. Your grin grows 12 sizes and you raise your hands and jump on the downbeat. You lost yourself that night, you lost that shy, quiet girl who hid her love for music to select people.
You now wore your love proudly, t-shirts of every show you go to. Inviting more and more friends to experience those shows with you. Seeing your mother cry at the genuine excitement and joy that filled her daughter’s eyes every time you neared the city of the next show. It had been years since she’d seen you like this. You didn’t care how low your bank account got, how little sleep time you received or how long the rides to and from the concert were. You loved the music so deeply that you craved another show the moment you got to the parking lot and the photos, posts and tweets expressed that feeling. Your stomach tied in knots when you met some of the amazing artists that shaped your life thus far, you were finally whole.
You sit here at your computer, yet again….writing this blog post. Your breathing is uneasy and tears threaten to fall from your eyes thinking back on these moments. You smile as you type though, reminding yourself of who you are and who you were and the way that music reminded you to bulk up. You are far from strong young one but now all your emotions are genuine. Not seeking attention or lashing out anger but understanding who you are and what you feel in a way that’s almost poetic. Never again will you let someone make you feel like your love for music is just “an obsession” or a “passing fad” because in your heart, you know better.
The music is a part of you.