If you asked many of my close friends and family, they would say that I am the opposite of quiet. Though if you saw me in a room filled with acquaintances I would definitely be the girl in the corner with her face in her phone, dreading eye contact with anyone around her.
Everyone is shy around new people right? Though that may be true, it is very prominent in my life. Contrary to popular belief, I am one of the shiest people on planet earth. Somewhere in the middle where my anxiety meets my introversion, I have realized that making new friends is really hard for me.
Why? Because I fear judgement more than I fear many other thing in life. I know many others share this feeling, the possibility of disappointing others overshadows your ability to love and express who you are. I do not want to disappoint everyone’s high expectations of people by saying the wrong thing, imagining myself with an irremovable dunce cone atop my head everywhere I go.
But when I get to know someone, my personality comes out in little ways.
A sarcastic comment here or there, a really obnoxious laugh or a ridiculous reenactment of others’ actions. Honestly deep down I am a totally horrible person but my friends laugh and somehow some people find me funny so i’ll take it. But it takes awhile for this side of Missy to emerge so I deal with your basic shy questions every single day.
“why are you so quiet?”
“She’s just shy, it’s okay.”
Yes, it is okay that I seem shy because shy is find but i’m honestly not shy at all. You either intimidate me or you just haven’t gotten to know me on a personal level yet. I am a great people person, I love to talk and I love to make people laugh but just because I don’t do all of that all the time during the first weeks you know me doesn’t mean that that side of me doesn’t exist.
I don’t know many people who can just jump into situations and become friends with everyone and become comfortable in their surroundings right away. If you can, that’s great but I don’t believe that being a little timid when dealing with change is as uncommon as people make it out to be.
I want to end this post by clearing up a few things.
- I do not hate you. I am quiet because I don’t know you quite well yet and let’s be honest my humor is for an acquired taste so I want to make sure that I don’t offend someone or embarrass myself more than I already do.
- I am shy….around new people but in all I would not classify myself as shy in general. It is easy for me to work in customer service and I love talking to new people once I feel comfortable. Shy at first? Maybe but just give me awhile and you’d wish I could claim that title.
- I am very passionate about many social justice issues but I often don’t speak up in conversations about them. It is something i’m working on because I still care to much about other people’s opinions of me so they continue to cloud over my own viewpoint. Don’t assume I don’t care because I don’t speak outwardly or continuously.
- Following up on my last point, other people’s ideas of me really mess me up. I’m continuously learning to care less about others’ opinions of me and love myself for who I am but like all things, self love takes time. If I don’t talk to you right away its because I am beyond nervous of how you’ll take this feminist, social justice fighting, sarcastic person that I am. I promise i’m trying, so hard….but please give me time.
- I do lean more on the introverted side so please don’t be offended if I deny your requests to go out or to be in areas that I feel uncomfortable in. I love people but I also like my space, tranquility and quiet and I will probably never become a party person but if you’d like to get food, go out to parks or to concerts…i’m your girl.
I guess what i’m trying to say throughout this huge rant is that yes, I come off as shy and yes, I am insecure in the person that I am. I’m working on both of these problems everyday. I don’t want to offend people and I love making friends, it makes me nervous when people dislike me or I upset them. For this reason, I yellow-light my personality in order to feel out the new situation.
Many people said that I seem like one person and once they get to know me they are surprised that i’m completely different. Though I may seem like a sarcastic and ridiculous human being, just know that means that I trust you with me….all of me.